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i am not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination could never be that good.

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i don’t know how my parents survived my rearing

my mom called me monday. this is how the conversation unfolded:
“did you call me?”
“no.”
“you called. you no say anything for long time. very long call.”
“oh, i must have called you by accident from my pocket.”
“i thought maybe you might be kidnapped. so dad and i listen for long time.”